What Happened to Happily Ever After?
Remember when you first met and fell in love, whether at first sight or over time? You experienced an emotional high for months…maybe even years, had relentless butterflies in your stomach, and dreamed of a future together. Eventually, you made the plans to get married, and became united at last. Together, you went on your honeymoon, returned home, and settled in as a couple united in matrimony.
Well, those were the good ol’ days! There’s a reason why the term “the honeymoon phase” exists. Those feelings of euphoric bliss are replaced over time with emotions of a different kind. A deeper bond, a familiarity with your spouse that can sometimes feel monotonous and tired.
Oftentimes, the wear and tear of everyday life takes a toll on marriage. Kids, bills, jobs, health issues, caring for our senior parents…all of these factors can wear us down as individuals and the stress of it all can spill over into our marriage. It's no big deal to nitpick, or even hold a grudge now and then (you're human!). But those impulses can gradually add up to a heap of resentment if you're not careful. Stop yourself from repeatedly making these mistakes that can cause major marriage fallout.
Contempt, Criticism and Defensiveness ultimately lead to DIVORCE.
“Contempt comes about when you harbor resentment that you’ve never worked through,” Boteach says.
These negative attitudes creep into marriage when we get frustrated with each other – usually by unrealistic, idealistic expectations, ideas, and myths about marriage.
These negative attitudes creep into marriage when we get frustrated with each other – usually by unrealistic, idealistic expectations, ideas, and myths about marriage.
They all revolve around ME — and that means they all boil down to selfishness and self-centeredness.
Here’s the problem: Marriage is a union between TWO people. This isn’t your time to get everything you want regardless of what your husband or wife thinks about it. You cannot build a strong and happy marriage when your primary concern is “What can you do for me” instead of “What can I do for you.” As long as gratifying SELF is our objective, all attempts to find lasting love will eventually and inevitably end in failure.
THESE HABITS COULD RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE
Constant criticism.
Criticize your spouse. Nag him about everything, nit-pick his every thought, action, and idea.
“Parenting” your spouse
Nagging, bossing, scolding, and making decisions for your mate is a surefire way to make your marriage fall apart at the seams.
Dwell on his flaws. Focus all your attention on those things he does that most annoy you.
Being selfish.
Focus on your needs and wants, not his. You insist everything has to go your way and you have to have everything you want. You throw a fit when you don’t get your way.
Giving your spouse the silent treatment. He isn’t meeting your needs and that’s all that matters. He doesn’t deserve any effort from you.
Living outside of what you can afford.
Love of money may be the root of all evil, but arguing over it is the root of many marriage woes. Money troubles in a marriage are one reason couples end up in divorce court.
Be wise about your finances. Know what you can afford and don’t forget to pay yourself first. Agree on the difference between essential spending and non-essential spending.
As our father always used to say, “if you can’t afford it, you can’t have it. And if you have to keep up with the Joneses, do so on a budget.”
Ignoring your spouse.
Don’t spend time with him. Don’t try to learn his love languages.
They say the one thing worse than being hated by someone is simply to be ignored by them.
YOU HAVE STOPPED LEARNING ABOUT EACH OTHER
Don’t make him a priority. Neglect your Spouse.
Go ahead and multi-task when you’re spending time with him. It’s not your fault that you just have too much stuff to do.
DID YOU MARRY ME OR FACEBOOK – IS BEING CONNECTED KILLING YOUR MARRIAGE
Misplace your priorities.
To ruin yours, just start putting other things ahead of your spouse — or better yet, put everything ahead of your spouse. Put your kids first and make sure your spouse knows that the kids are numero uno
Put yourself first. Make everything about you.
Threats - use power tactics like guilt, threats and emotional blackmail
Prioritize your needs and marginalize his.
Fight dirty. Having an argument? Be sure to take everything he says in the worst possible way. And then bring up all his past mistakes.
WHEN IT COMES TO HIS SCREW-UPS, YOU FORGET NOTHING
His Mistakes are not allowed in this house. Because you’re always right!
Saying, “I’m sorry” and “you’re right” is like pulling your own teeth out, one by one.
Treating your husband like the enemy. Having a bad day? That’s not a good excuse for picking a fight. Being Cranky all the time.
YOU TEND TO PLAY THE VICTIM
Cast blame.
Don’t accept personal responsibility for any of the problems in your marriage — they are all your husband’s fault.
defend something you believe in until your dying day.
By Being Unappreciative
You take them for granted instead. You have the attitude that what he/she does is what is required. You make them feel insignificant as if they should be grateful to be with you.
Play the comparison game. Admire other pastures
There is perhaps no truer statement than "the grass is always greener."
YOU LOSE YOUR SH*T WHEN HE MESSES SOMETHING UP
Assume the worst. Assign a malignant motive to anything he does that you don’t like.
Refuse to forgive. You will hold a grudge forever, even if you don’t remember what said grudge was about.
Whenever he forgets your anniversary or loses his temper or leaves his dirty socks on the floor, make sure he knows that he has seriously flubbed up.
Glare at him with disapproval or, better yet,give him a cold shoulder.
Withhold respect.
disparage him as much as you like, both to his face and behind his back.
YOU ARE NOT ON THE SAME TEAM. You can't resist passing snarky comments.
By Being Disrespectful
You feel free to say anything to your spouse. You talk to him/her like a child or better yet, a pet, never thinking before you speak. You just say what comes to mind. You never ask your spouse their opinion…you just make decisions without them.
Withholding physical affection. Turn him down.
Stop expressing your feelings. You haven't said I LOVE YOU in like days. Hugs and Kisses are kept at bay.
Stop talking.
Remember the start of your relationship? You couldn’t stop talking! You might’ve spent all night talking to one another, or countless hours on the phone or cuddled up on a couch somewhere.
Relationships die when the two people in it stop talking.
YOU ARE TOO STUBBORN TO ADMIT IT
Happiness in marriage comes not from focusing on what you can get, but by focusing on what you can give.
It is time to shift your focus from what your husband is (or isn’t) doing to make you happy and begin brainstorming instead all the ways you might bring happiness to him.
Read how to diffuse an agreement. agree-to-disagree-love-means-never-hesitating-to-say-you're-sorry
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