Giggles N Freckles: January 2016

“Getting to the Heart of Behavior”

We all know I am a YELLER! I admit it loud and clear. That doesn’t mean I like it and it doesn’t mean I am not always trying to make the change to stop yelling.

When I think of the reasons I yell in my home, I can usually narrow the reasons down to just a few triggers…

The kids are arguing.
The kids aren’t doing what I asked them to.
The kids aren’t listening.
The kids are being too loud.
The kids are being too rambunctious.
The kids… the kids… the kids…

Do you see the problem with those statements like I do? The focus is on the kids. The focus is on what the kids are doing that I don’t like. Where am I in this scenario? What am I doing? How am I involved in what is going in?

The answer. I am usually not close to them. I am usually busy in the kitchen, on the phone, on the other side of the other room, on the couch, with the baby… you name it… I am not near them.

For the last week, I have been trying this out. Instead of repeating myself over and over again, instead of yelling across the room, and instead of putting the blame on the children… I have been moving closer.

When the kids start to get ramped up, instead of yelling from across the room to settle down… I get closer.

When the kids are starting to argue, instead of yelling above their voices to get along… I get closer.

When the kids are ignoring my requests, instead of yelling my request louder… I get closer.

I make sure they hear me. I make sure I am helping them through their problems. I make sure I am there for them.

Guess what?

90% of the time this has worked for me. When I remember to use this simple tip first, chances are the yelling doesn’t happen. Chances are, I can keep the peace in our home and not let things spiral out of control.

But here it is very important that you are not focusing solely on behavior, for you will discover later that you were only “mowing weeds”. And merely “mowing” instead of digging deeper into the heart behind it will not be helpful over the long run.

“Parenting only behavior is like mowing weeds. The weeds blend in with the grass for a time, but ultimately mowing them only causes them to come back bigger and stronger.”

The following are the Behavior Management (Short cuts) we do but should not do:

1. Shame

2. Guilt

3. Threat (fear of punishment)

4. Manipulation (withholding approval)

5. Bribe

The following are the 6 Heart Questions we should be focusing on:

1. What was going on? (Facts)

2. What were you thinking & feeling? (Heart)

3. What did you do? (Behavior)

4. Why did you do it? (Motive)

5. What was the result? (Outcome)

6. Who is most important to you right now? Who are you loving most? (Worship)

[We donʼt do this with our children because we donʼt do it with ourselves.]

And remember that every time when you take moments of parenting and make it about you...

1. Youʼll miss moments of teaching and make them moments of anger

2. Youʼll personalize and take offense

3. Youʼll move from advocate to adversary

4. Youʼll take short cuts.

http://www.gracecitychurch.com/resources/sermons/series/heritage-parenting-wisdom-for-the-ages/

For those who are new to this phase...

And for those who are already going through this...

Oh Stop Judging!!..

Milestone: twelve to twenty-four months. Be ALERT

24. Nap time mess

You will dread taking a daytime nap.

25. Mommy’s not allowed to get sick

When you're sick, you just feel miserable. Add to that the feeling of being helpless while laundry, dishes, and clutter piles up around you… you have the ingredients for one very cranky mom.

26. They will tag you wherever you go.

And they have become actual people than baby blob way sooner than you think. You will actually be having conversation more rewarding than an adults.

27. You will have to sneak candy like it’s a contraband substance.

If your kid so much as smells chocolate on your breath, you’re screwed.

28. You know all of the children’s characters by their name.

I am bad with remembering peoples name in fact it would be a miracle if I knew my neighbours name but I sure do know the names of all her cartoon characters.

29. You know better than to leave a drink within arm’s reach of your little one.

30. Little IMITATORS.

They think now that they can walk and hold they can CONQUER the whole world.

31. Even if you give them a gold bowl they will eat from the floor.

Aaahh!! Stop Judging me...

32. Spick and Span -yeah right! "Mess-It's my birthright."

This is the state of house practically everyday with kids.

I had just vacuumed the floor...

33. Leave the Washroom Door open and you see

34. More than 50% parents would either find themselves locked in OR their kid.

In such case either you break
Or

35. Staying organized when you have kids in the house is not an easy task!

It is very common to find kitchen items under the bed or your vanity case lying open on the floor Couch pillows. SHOULD be: on the dang couch. Are frequently located: ANYWHERE ELSE, like for instance piled in the corner next to the TV because "We were making a nest!"

36. They believe in using NATURAL Products for their MAKE-UP

Don't know why but they are very fascinated with the refrigerator. I don't have a lock in my fridge, and I can't even count the number of times my kids must have made a mess like this.

37. You always find them in totally inexplicable situations.

38. Backseat of your Car is always found in this state.

I don’t care how often you wash your car now. Crushed wafers, spilled juice, and a whole lot of other crap are in your car’s future.

My older girl vomited in our new Car when we had gone out in it for just the second time!

39. Birth of a New Leonardo

Every wall is artistically painted, And you will feel guilty of curbing a talent if you stop them from doing so.

40. Nothing is beyond their REACH!

They will make their ways to get what they want by hook or by crook. My younger one is very fascinated with my elder ones books. And will somehow get her hands on them.

41. All your teachings on table-manners are tossed out of the window when you take them outside.

42. Something you love will get ruined.

Kids have a knack for breaking, dirtying, or losing your favorite possessions. Don’t get too attached to your goods and chattels.

Both my girls have had their hands on ruining my make-up kit and lipsticks.

43. They know which nerve to press - with that puppy face, it’s super easy to get out of trouble.

Most of the time mid-way of correcting them I break into laughter when I see those eyes they make.

44. With that super cute "please" you simply cannot resist, and they get what they want easily.

We really have to harden our hearts to not get into what they want. They make you feel so guilty for not giving.

45. They hate the word "NO" from your mouth.

Every time I say "NO" I get to see this face.

46. When your kid is little, every trip out of the house will feel like getting ready to go to the airport.

“Got the wipes?” “Check.” “The diapers, change of clothes, blanket, baby bottle?” “Uh, check.”

47. Baby shopping is almost every other month.

They keep outgrowing their dress.

48. You will laugh more than at any other time in your life.

Kids do and say funniest thing ever. They are the best Stress Busters you can have.

49. They have NO Sense of Shame.

They may ask you question or do something which will make you run and hide your face. "I don't know whose child is that!"

50. You will see your own faults reflected back at you.

It’s sobering when you see your kid imitate your own bad behavior, and it will make you want to be a better person.

51. You become a Night Lover - Reading, writing, blogging etc.becomes part of Night time JOB.

My bible reading, meditation, Notes, Reading, blogging only takes place in the quietness of the Night. Where there is No Crying baby to Soothe, no hungry mouth to feed, no sibling strife to solve, no spying around either...