We give and we give and we give until we are empty.
When Did The Tables Turn?
It’s amazing really. As children and young adults, we become accustomed to someone taking care of us. Even as we gain more and more responsibility and autonomy, there is still that special someone who checks up on us. Makes sure we are eating…makes sure we have what we need…makes sure we are ok. For many of us, if we are lucky, that person is our mom.
But then all of the sudden, the tables turn…we pop out a baby and BAM! We are the ones who are supposed to be taking care of this other person, 100% responsible for their health, safety and well-being. No one really trains you for this and Heaven knows nothing can prepare you for it.
So we do what moms for centuries before us have been doing. We take the horse by the saddle, throw every ounce of our being into raising this little person and realize, finally, Dear God, how our own mother must have loved us.
Because through it all, we don’t complain, we don’t regret our choice in life…in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We wonder, how in the world we got to be so lucky!
But herein lies the problem – As a mom to my two beautiful, kind-hearted little girls, I feel such fortune that God blessed them to me. That he chose ME, lowly me who is not deserving of such good fortune, to be their mother. And my feeling of gratitude and indebtedness is so great, that I can think only of how to be a better mom…to give more…to spend more time with them…to, in turn, do less for myself.
And it’s not a good thing – it’s not a proud feeling. That I put myself last…because I know that it is not a smart choice – for my mind, for my body, for my husband, for my family.
And yet, I so often do.
My Hair Tells It’s Own Story
My sweet friend, Asha, my personal "hair-stylist" I say that coz she loved that and I mostly would be her 'guinea pig' as she always cut my hair….and she did a fine job of it or be the one suggesting hair cuts for me in the salon.
But moving away and having a child ruined that set-up and here was a grown woman with a child that had not had her hair cut in a year. And color?! Well never…
Add on to that, I usually had it pulled back in a homely low pony that did nothing for the lack of a cut.
I just didn’t think that taking the time to cut and color my hair was what I should be doing when my job was to raise my little girls.
But you know what I’ve learned over the past 5 years living across from her?
That when I get my hair cut, it makes me FEEL better…and that makes me happier…and that makes me a better mom. Because that feeling of confidence and oh wow, maybe I am a real person carries over into my day-to-day with my children and husband.
I’m not saying I do it as often as I should…but I’m much improved from 5 years ago!
So over the past 7 years, I’ve really been working on some things to improve Me…things that either keep me healthy, make sure I am healthy, remind me that I once was something other than a Mom. That I am a woman…I am a person…I am someone of value, outside of being a mother.
I make sure if I’m sick…I go to the doctor. Because I wouldn’t hesitate to take my own kids when I thought they had a sinus infection or bronchitis.
I schedule regular hair cuts…sometimes regular means every 12 weeks…sometimes 24 weeks…but it’s still better than 12 months!
I give myself a break of making home cooked meals every once in a while and we all go out to eat.
There Are Still Miles To Go…miles to go
And there are many more things I’m STILL working on: scheduling date nights with my hubby…getting to a comfort level of leaving my girls with my mom…thinking it’s OK to go out to dinner with just my girlfriends.
But I will get there…and so will you. But it has to be a concerted effort.
We have to think we are worth it.
Because at the end of the day, if we don’t take care of ourselves, if we give and give and give until we are all used up…what do we truly have to give to our children? What will be left? Not much, that’s for sure.
When Did The Tables Turn?
It’s amazing really. As children and young adults, we become accustomed to someone taking care of us. Even as we gain more and more responsibility and autonomy, there is still that special someone who checks up on us. Makes sure we are eating…makes sure we have what we need…makes sure we are ok. For many of us, if we are lucky, that person is our mom.
So we do what moms for centuries before us have been doing. We take the horse by the saddle, throw every ounce of our being into raising this little person and realize, finally, Dear God, how our own mother must have loved us.
Because through it all, we don’t complain, we don’t regret our choice in life…in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We wonder, how in the world we got to be so lucky!
But herein lies the problem – As a mom to my two beautiful, kind-hearted little girls, I feel such fortune that God blessed them to me. That he chose ME, lowly me who is not deserving of such good fortune, to be their mother. And my feeling of gratitude and indebtedness is so great, that I can think only of how to be a better mom…to give more…to spend more time with them…to, in turn, do less for myself.
And it’s not a good thing – it’s not a proud feeling. That I put myself last…because I know that it is not a smart choice – for my mind, for my body, for my husband, for my family.
And yet, I so often do.
My Hair Tells It’s Own Story
My sweet friend, Asha, my personal "hair-stylist" I say that coz she loved that and I mostly would be her 'guinea pig' as she always cut my hair….and she did a fine job of it or be the one suggesting hair cuts for me in the salon.
But moving away and having a child ruined that set-up and here was a grown woman with a child that had not had her hair cut in a year. And color?! Well never…
Add on to that, I usually had it pulled back in a homely low pony that did nothing for the lack of a cut.
I just didn’t think that taking the time to cut and color my hair was what I should be doing when my job was to raise my little girls.
But you know what I’ve learned over the past 5 years living across from her?
I’m not saying I do it as often as I should…but I’m much improved from 5 years ago!
So over the past 7 years, I’ve really been working on some things to improve Me…things that either keep me healthy, make sure I am healthy, remind me that I once was something other than a Mom. That I am a woman…I am a person…I am someone of value, outside of being a mother.
I make sure if I’m sick…I go to the doctor. Because I wouldn’t hesitate to take my own kids when I thought they had a sinus infection or bronchitis.
I schedule regular hair cuts…sometimes regular means every 12 weeks…sometimes 24 weeks…but it’s still better than 12 months!
I give myself a break of making home cooked meals every once in a while and we all go out to eat.
There Are Still Miles To Go…miles to go
And there are many more things I’m STILL working on: scheduling date nights with my hubby…getting to a comfort level of leaving my girls with my mom…thinking it’s OK to go out to dinner with just my girlfriends.
But I will get there…and so will you. But it has to be a concerted effort.
We have to think we are worth it.
Because at the end of the day, if we don’t take care of ourselves, if we give and give and give until we are all used up…what do we truly have to give to our children? What will be left? Not much, that’s for sure.
And when you feel that you just can’t make that doctor’s appointment or spend that time alone, ask yourself this…Would My Mom Let Me Treat Her Daughter That Way? I think we all know the answer.
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