Confession of a SAHM

After becoming a stay-at-home-mom to a newborn and a toddler I had come up with endless excuses, reasoning’s, logic and lies that I told myself (and other people) of how and why I am exempted to many social norms.


Time for a "Reality Check

But the truth is in reality it is all Crap! I am currently a SAHM to a toddler and a pre-schooler.

And I think it's time to stop that. It's time to claim myself back, my time, my identity, and start looking at being a SAHM as the wonderful, positive thing that it is. It's time to stop using my kids or my role as a SAHM as an excuse, and start embracing the fact that I get to raise my own child. So many people nowadays can't say that. They have to work to make ends meet. So, if I am fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom, then I have to stop acting as if it's a crutch.

"I'm too busy as a SAHM to be able to do “that” during the day."

This is my mums fav line “If you don't take care of yourself properly, then you can't possiblytake care of your child”

Here are the big pet peeves that I had developed over the years.

1.  "I don't have time to shower during the day."

 

I am just a SAHM, there is so much to do during the day, and I don’t even go outside so I don’t need to shower everyday.

It took time for me to brace myself that showering on a regular basis keeps you feeling human.

I couldn’t have a luxury to bath like this

 

But giving myself even just 10 minutes helped me to recharge. It revitalized me.

2. "It doesn't matter how I look. I'm just a stay-at-home mom." 

For a long time, I was a frazzled looking mother who took a shower once every 2 days, wore old PJs around the house, never bothered to do my hair or makeup.

No wonder I didn't feel like myself anymore, or even a woman for that matter.

I woke up one morning as the stay-at-home mom of a 1-year-old and 4-year-old and looked hard at myself in the mirror.

And I wondered how do I become the Indian soaps housewives whose hair is perfect, makeup is perfect and who also have time to wear matching jewellery with sarees that I reserve to wear only for a weddings.

But I don’t have to be like that!

All I need to do is take pride in my appearance.

I made a promise to myself to take care of myself.

I showered everyday, put on some clean clothes and even ran a brush through my hair and spent 5 minutes on makeup, even if I wasn't leaving the house.

The result was amazing. Almost instantly, I was reminded that I am a beautiful, sexy woman who yes, is a mother, but that's not all I am. I breathed life back into myself again, and as a result, my kids get a more positive me.

"Sajana hai mujhe Sajana ke liye"

For my SAHM makeover, it's face powder, kajal and lipgloss and it takes less than 5 minutes to go from tired SAHM to a feminine you, and the emotional boost is amazing! Plus my hubby gets back his Sexy Wife!

3.  "I don't have time for that":

Whenever I would be asked to do something in Church, I would be ready with “Oh, I don't have time because I am "running around after a 2-year-old all day”. Now I couldn’t keep denying my responsibilities just because I am a SAHM. So when I was handed down the job to host a series of event, I had to Snap out of it. And I realized having no time is crap, and you know it.

I took time to look at my day and saw if there are things I am doing that I don't need or want to be doing anymore, or where I can fit something else in. And found that on an average, I wasted 2-3 hours a day on doing nothing, doing something useless, or having to do stuff repeatedly because of a non-streamlined routine.

So one of the ways I did was to make our supper time routine less stressful by having our family menu planned out weekly. This saves me time on deciding what to make!

Another change I did was I Become an early riser. (now I am not saying 6.00 am)

I used to sleep until the girls woke up. Then we would all be tired, trying to wake up and get some breakfast, and it would become chaos. 

Now I try to wake up before the girls so I can have some tea, and sit by myself and watch the morning news. I get myself ready for the day; shower, get dressed, do my hair during this time. That way if I do have to go somewhere, I just get the kids ready and go. Plus it's a kick start to the day and that way I can get more done instead of sitting in my pajamas all day.

This also helped me with my notion that "I'm fine. I don't need time away from my family because they are all I need to be happy." 

You know I love my family and I adore my kids. But, every mom out there also knows that family and kids stress you out and play on your last nerve somewhere along the line. So needing time away from my kids does not make me a bad mom.

4.   "There's no need to clean my house because the kids just wreck it again."

How I wish I could do that.

Many a times I would get so tired of them wrecking the house that I quit cleaning the house.

However, I found that with kids, it's more efficient to do a little bit of cleaning everyday.

I observed that when I am cleaning or cooking, my kids showed interest and I used this to teach my kids how to clean while I straighten everything and have them help. Even my 18-month-old can put her blocks back into a bucket and it makes her feel like my big helper.

It only takes a few minutes to throw the kids' random toys into a basket and dump it in their room. Now I'm not saying that with this my house is a white-glove inspection immaculate.

Because cleaning while they were awake was a waste of time. I'd have them help me pick up toys, and I'd wipe up any spills or major disasters, but for the larger cleaning and straightening, I waited for them to go to bed.

I’d put timer for myself, and get cleaned what I could in that time limit (hell of a set the kitchen workout, too). Once that timer went off, I plopped onto the couch and did whatever I wanted to for the rest of the evening.

5. "Being a stay-at-home mom is so stressful." 

Tiring, yes. Frustrating, yes. Stressful, not so much.

For a long time I’d pity myself that moms who are working have such a better life than me. They don’t have to be around their child(ren) all day long. But after seeing the life of a working mom I realized that it can be tiring, but at least I am around them and not spending 8+ hours working my ass off at a job to get home and find my kids are already asleep for the night and I have no idea how their day went.

 
I'll more than likely be there for their first steps, their first words, their first poem recital, instead of having to decide whether I can afford to use the sick leave I have saved to be able to skip work to go see it. And most importantly, I have a great deal of control over what (or who) influences my children, instead of not knowing if they picked up that nasty language from school, the daycare or the babysitter who all have contact with my child before I do at night.

I am thankful I am a stay-at-home mom. I made the decision to be one. It truly is a blessing. I can Hug them, kiss them, cuddle them. Make them know that they are loved everyday!