One is alone, two is company, three is a crowd, four is family...
After the birth of my 1st baby I couldn't wait to go for another one!
Wait! What?
Seriously, I enjoyed my entire gestation and Labor phase, and I was actually missing carrying the baby in my womb.
Of course, I loved seeing and feeling and carrying the baby in my arms, but at the same time I was feeling sad of not experiencing those sensations in my stomach.
For nine months,
my body had accustomed to
the movements of the baby and had adjusted to carry that extra
weight, and I had become familiar with the pains, that its
absence was bothering me.
Blame the Hormones!
Well, practically and scientifically you should not go for another pregnancy until your 1st baby is at least 2 yr old as your body needs its time to recover and heal.
As days passed by I started enjoying spending time with my baby. And I didn't won't to miss any of her early growing days with my pregnancy blues.
I thought of taking advice from other parents too. And when I told them that we are planning to go for another one,
I would get such horrified stares, "How could you even think about 2nd when nurturing just one is so difficult." "Here one baby is driving us insane, just the thought of two makes us cringe."
I would get such horrified stares, "How could you even think about 2nd when nurturing just one is so difficult." "Here one baby is driving us insane, just the thought of two makes us cringe."
So my hubby and I sat and discussed as to when should we plan for a 2nd one. We were advised to wait until my 1st one turns 5yr old. But deep within I wanted the gap between the two kids not more than 3yrs. I had my own set of reasoning.
I was very clear that my baby should be able to play with her, be bonded and I personally didn't want to do diaper changing and late night waking after my 1st baby has become independent and I have become free from those chores.
Therefore, we decided to go for our 2nd baby when our 1st child turns two.
But this time there is lots of pre-preparation needed for the arrival of 2nd baby.
Because this time it is not just the parents but also the child that needs to be ready.
And because of this I was able to teach my child, something fruitful.
This did not happen overnight and I’ll be honest, it was hard work.
It took time. Lots of time. Lots of direction and redirection.
And patience.
I know this probably sounds like child torture, but it wasn't at all. It was simply learning a new skill
So before, we became four
Mentally, emotionally prepare my daughter for the coming of 2nd baby:
I didn't want my baby get a shock of suddenly seeing a blob of flesh taking all the attention. So I started by asking her whether she would like to have a brother or sister. And that it would be fun to have someone to always play with you.
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| Who's this? |
I didn't want my baby get a shock of suddenly seeing a blob of flesh taking all the attention. So I started by asking her whether she would like to have a brother or sister. And that it would be fun to have someone to always play with you.
But after your child is ready to have another rival, you are bombarded with all types of questions. So be ready with the answers
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| Tell me More! |
When will the baby come? Where is the baby? How will it come? What is she eating?
So once I had conceived gradually I started explaining that the baby is be in mamma's tummy. And as I started showing I made her feel the baby. She would be so excited.
And you can see her eyes sparkle with joy when the baby moved on her touching.
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| Ooh! |
Throughout I had to keep drilling in her head that we are having this baby 'only for you'.
That she is our 1st born and is very precious to us.
Teach her to share.
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| It's Mine! |
Children actually love to share. When they're babies, they like to give us things, and have us give those things back. When they're a bit older, they like to take a plate of cookies and offer one to each person in the room.
To be able to share, a child needs to feel a strong sense of connection.
To be able to share, a child needs to feel a strong sense of connection.
So every time I would give her something to eat I would ask her to share it with me. Even if it was a very small piece.
Now it just comes so naturally, that I don't have to teach my 2nd one. She has learned it by observing her sister.
Now it just comes so naturally, that I don't have to teach my 2nd one. She has learned it by observing her sister.
The other side is she also shares her lunch-box with others and when asked what did you eat of theirs. She says, "Mommy, they didn't give me."
But connecting with her sister was different story when my 2nd daughter turned 15 months old she started grabbing and breaking and snatching everything that belonged to her sister which created a WAR.
There is the screaming and yelling, crying and sobs for attention
I have to tell my children, again and again, that they need to share their toys.
When children want something, their feelings are often passionate. They can be gripped by a desire so strong that no other option will do.
And Since it takes two to tangle
every time I have to connect them by making them feel loved.
But connecting with her sister was different story when my 2nd daughter turned 15 months old she started grabbing and breaking and snatching everything that belonged to her sister which created a WAR.
There is the screaming and yelling, crying and sobs for attention
I have to tell my children, again and again, that they need to share their toys.
When children want something, their feelings are often passionate. They can be gripped by a desire so strong that no other option will do.
And Since it takes two to tangle
every time I have to connect them by making them feel loved.
When both my children want the same thing, and they’re both feeling connected and relaxed, they share.
Potty training
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Oh! Your baby is still not Potty Trained
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As my months progressed, I couldn't bend over to clean every time she would pee or poop. I didn't want my kids to wear diapers at home. So, I had to teach her that whenever she needs to pee she has to use the toilet.
Every day we would practice.
I would take my child in the toilet when I would go and repeatedly tell her this is where you pee.
Almost every 2 hours I would take her to the loo and ask her to pee.
Sometimes she would and sometimes she just won't and then go outside and do. It involved lots of directing redirecting, but by the time, she turned 2.5yrs old she had learned to pee ONLY in the toilet.
Every day we would practice.
I would take my child in the toilet when I would go and repeatedly tell her this is where you pee.
Almost every 2 hours I would take her to the loo and ask her to pee.
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use of the “parent tone” down cold
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Sleeping separately:
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| When you tell your kid It's Bed Time |
If I could relive one minute over and over for the rest of my life, it would definitely be the one after I tell my kid it’s time for bed.
As months progressed, I had to make my 1st child sleep separately. As I feared being kicked by her. So when she was 2.5yr, I entered my 3rd trimester and due to varicose vein I had to go to my mom's place. And so we first started off with making her sleep with her Nanna, then later when we came home, the real struggle started.
Every parent knows his or her kids well. There is no specific method that is foolproof which will help you to achieve. It's a process of experimenting, correction and re-correction, direction and redirection. I tried different ways to put her to sleep alone.
Every parent knows his or her kids well. There is no specific method that is foolproof which will help you to achieve. It's a process of experimenting, correction and re-correction, direction and redirection. I tried different ways to put her to sleep alone.
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| Story Time - If you sleep Alone |
Sometimes by giving her incentives, I will tell you a story
Sometimes it would be sheer blackmailing, if she didn't sleep "No Cartoon", "No playing" etc .
Most of the time I had to be deaf to her Whining and Crying. I know it sounds ruthless, but that worked the most.
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| The Parent Look |
Sometimes it would be sheer blackmailing, if she didn't sleep "No Cartoon", "No playing" etc .
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When you say it’s time to go and your kids whine you’re like |
at others inspire her from her cartoon characters, "how they all sleep in their own bed."
I had to do this every day, and take every opportunity I get throughout the day before we hit bedtime to put it in her head that she is a big girl now and big girls don't sleep with mommy daddy.
Even then she would come mid-night with some excuses Or a plea "I want to sleep with mommy tonight" or that there is a ghost!
I had to do this every day, and take every opportunity I get throughout the day before we hit bedtime to put it in her head that she is a big girl now and big girls don't sleep with mommy daddy.
Even then she would come mid-night with some excuses Or a plea "I want to sleep with mommy tonight" or that there is a ghost!
Of course before putting her back to bed I would go and assure her, comfort and many a times sleep with her till she's sound asleep.
By the time, she turned 3.5yr we had succeeded in making her sleep in her room alone.
Eating Independently:
As the 1st baby would take most of my time it was also important that my 1st child learns to eat on her own.
And so every day I would give her small meal to eat.
It would be a messy affair, but we kept encouraging her.
We asked her to observe how we eat..
And well she does learned to eat independently now only table manners remain to be learned.
Made her Feel Special
To let her know that she is precious and our #1 we would show her all her baby photos and tell her stories about what she used to do.
Our #1 is a hyper active and strong-willed child. She has lots of reserved energy which needed to be channeled correctly. So in a way, arrival of #2 made her busy.
We tuned her protective instincts, by telling her she is going to be an "Elder Sister", she needs to take care of the baby. We made her involve in all the baby preparation.
Being a girl she has a natural maternal instincts. Which helped her to naturally protect and care for her little one.
Sometimes, she did get insecure and would envy #2 baby, when I would not be able to give time. As the #2 would take up all my energy. But despite all these I had to take time out for her too.
We asked her to observe how we eat..
And well she does learned to eat independently now only table manners remain to be learned.
Made her Feel Special
To let her know that she is precious and our #1 we would show her all her baby photos and tell her stories about what she used to do.
Our #1 is a hyper active and strong-willed child. She has lots of reserved energy which needed to be channeled correctly. So in a way, arrival of #2 made her busy.
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| Make her Feel she is in the driver's seat, Important and Special |
We tuned her protective instincts, by telling her she is going to be an "Elder Sister", she needs to take care of the baby. We made her involve in all the baby preparation.
Being a girl she has a natural maternal instincts. Which helped her to naturally protect and care for her little one.
Sometimes, she did get insecure and would envy #2 baby, when I would not be able to give time. As the #2 would take up all my energy. But despite all these I had to take time out for her too.